Introduction

At some point most of us will, in some way, be caring for an aging or ill parent.  Hopefully it will be after your children are long gone and you have nothing else to do but sit back and reap the benefits of a life well lived.

But if you’re like most of us, you will likely find yourself lost in a maze of unwanted emotions, hurt feeling, doctor’s appointments, medication, special equipment and a sincere lack of understanding of just what it takes to be a parent to your parents.

 

It would be simple if it were much more like caring for your children, but it’s not.  It’s a whole new world of joy and pain; heartbreak and laughter.

Talk about it all you want; definitely plan for it and put all the paper work in order.  But you will never be prepared for watching your parents decline both physically and mentally.  Nothing brings on panic like having to change mom or dad’s diaper.  Or God forbid, help them use a suppository for pain control.  Neither will you be prepared to understand what your parents are feeling and experiencing.  Even if they can explain it—which more than likely they can’t.  They can be humiliated at having to depend on you to not just take care of them, but wipe their poopie butts too.  Your kids never cared, but your parents know their bodies are failing.  They fight against it.  They fight you.  It’s their job to take care of you, not the other way around.

 

My aim with this little book is to help you understand what you might find yourself going through.  To help you understand what your parents may be going through.  Of course everyone’s situation is different and I have tried to cover as many situations as I could think of.  I have included my own mom story as well as the experiences of a few of my friends who have their own mom or dad story to tell.  I’m not an expert by any means, but I do have extensive experience in caring for an ill and aging parent.  I watched my own mom go from a strong and independent woman to a cane, to a walker, to a wheelchair.  She was afraid of nothing and then afraid of everything.  She never once forgot a single thing I ever had done wrong but over time she would begin to forget five minutes ago. 

 

None of this happened overnight; it took years.  Years I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.  As she changed she became my friend, my child and I got to know a whole new side of my mom that I never knew existed.  We laughed, we cried, we argued and we loved each other dearly.

 

Even if you’re not caring for parent, you’ll have a better idea of what it’s like for your friends or family members who are.  They can’t go to lunch because they’re taking their parents to the doctor’s.  They can’t always just hang out at your house because they’re hanging out at the hospital.  They’ll have to cut the shopping trip short because they have to pick up medication before the pharmacy closes.  If you have children this is much more understandable.  If like me you don’t have children, you’ll have a much harder time living for another person.

 

I sincerely hope this book helps you understand from everyone’s perspective what life can be like not just for you but for your parents too.

 

With love and prayers for your sanity,

Edith Mary